i was delirious with this world...

i was delirious with this world
could have laughed, could have cried
tried to make it all go as fast as it could
and it did until i closed my eyes

nice short and thought provoking, like your stuff

That's very good, Frank. For me the last phrase signifies death so the whole things has this very locomotive push until the end where it just smashes into the "closed eyes." And like looking at a derailed train your eyes can't help but scan backward at all the wreckage down the line and at every phrase before that was so wistful and optimistic.

Great poem.

See I don’t want to take it as the finale act , that last line

I see it more as a day to day way, but that might be b/c I don’t look to the end of it all but rather break every thing down to the moment

super_etecoon wrote:That's very good, Frank. For me the last phrase signifies death so the whole things has this very locomotive push until the end where it just smashes into the "closed eyes." And like looking at a derailed train your eyes can't help but scan backward at all the wreckage down the line and at every phrase before that was so wistful and optimistic.

Great poem.

Thanks! I love your explication of it. Obviously you've had practice. I guess you paid attention in school.

fkusumot wrote:

super_etecoon wrote:That's very good, Frank. For me the last phrase signifies death so the whole things has this very locomotive push until the end where it just smashes into the "closed eyes." And like looking at a derailed train your eyes can't help but scan backward at all the wreckage down the line and at every phrase before that was so wistful and optimistic.

Great poem.

Thanks! I love your explication of it. Obviously you've had practice. I guess you paid attention in school.

Sometimes I get lucky...lol.

When I wrote the bulk of my writings, basically a bunch of crap that you would expect from a teenager, I was heavily into Baudelaire and Rimbaud. I was listening to the new music of the time which was mostly punk rock and new wave. My favorite bands were Fear, The Dead Kennedy's, all the bands in "The Decline of Western Civilization" and Ultravox. So a bunch of dark angst filled drivel. Reading my old stuff now is rather enlightening. I really did get to where I am because of who I was then. I'm not sure if that's good or bad but it is actually nice to know that it is what it is.

I'll write another nice poem. I'll save the dark stuff for when Kestrel shows up.

When is Kestrel going to get here?

I set a rock here
You set a rock there
Wherever you go, may you have luck
Placing rocks, one by one

fkusumot wrote:i was delirious with this world
could have laughed, could have cried
tried to make it all go as fast as it could
and it did until i closed my eyes

Ummmm... Doughnut?

Sorry, but my poetry explenations usually suck

fkusumot wrote:I set a rock here
You set a rock there
Wherever you go, may you have luck
Placing rocks, one by one

This one is about friendship I know...

Or a twisted version of Hansel and Gretel :S

^^ I think its about people building walls around themselves... they should protect, but ultimately they just isolate...

fkusumot wrote:I set a rock here
You set a rock there
Wherever you go, may you have luck
Placing rocks, one by one

This is about love... and losing love... Separating each other, day after day, step by step.. until the wall is to big and you can go back

t

^^ thats what I said... quit looking at my notes...

^^^ I did not read your comment.. anyway mine is better explained

Don Ramon wrote:

fkusumot wrote:I set a rock here
You set a rock there
Wherever you go, may you have luck
Placing rocks, one by one

This is about love... and losing love... Separating each other, day after day, step by step.. until the wall is to big and you can go back

t

"the wall is to big and you CAN go back"... how is that better explained ??? Its confusing...

If the wall is to big.. you can go to the other side again... not even peek

El Duderino wrote:

Don Ramon wrote:

fkusumot wrote:I set a rock here
You set a rock there
Wherever you go, may you have luck
Placing rocks, one by one

This is about love... and losing love... Separating each other, day after day, step by step.. until the wall is to big and you can go back

t

"the wall is to big and you CAN go back"... how is that better explained ??? Its confusing...

That's an interesting interpretation.

That little bit of prose was inspired by the Anasazi Indians that used to live here in Colorado (Western USA). Wherever they would go they would place rocks to mark the place. No one is really sure why they did this but common theory was that they were marking off territory or placing markers for navigation. The Anasazi Indians disappeared and didn't leave any written records.

The Navajo Indians picked up on the Anasazi rock placing tradition and would place rocks with holy symbols carved on them to mark holy spots (my favorite is Spider Rock near Chinle Arizona), also in a way a form of worship, like giving an offering.

So, if you knew what I was thinking of when I wrote that then you might come up with a different interpretation. Nonetheless, I find it fascinating that such diverse and plausible/defensible interpretations have been made. Thanks guys.

a day goes by and i call it a day
everyday another day to call a day
it seems so simple
but i lost my entire world
to gain the world, and a day

This is like a person that just lives, the now.
Not planning or worrying for the future, until one day is too late.

I´m a little puzzled on the new one so I will let it sit for a while...

El Duderino wrote:I´m a little puzzled on the new one so I will let it sit for a while...

Well thank you very Dude! I consider that high praise because that's what this type of poetry is supposed to do, promote thought (unless you're just thinking I'm crazy ).

I had to think about it too. I knew what it was about and what, in general, I was going to write but I just typed it out fast and left it at that. Usually I'm so deliberate about it takes an hour to write five sentences. Anyways, now I see that the true poem leaves out the 4th line and it needs some rewording. I think I improved it but feel free to disagree. Here:

a day goes by and i call it a day
everyday another day to call a day
it seems so simple,
just acknowledging each day
by being able to say
"it's another day"


And anybody else who's reading the thread. Even if you don't write poetry you can talk about it, and it very easy write some prose, a few sentences dangling together, that conjure some type of picture or impression, or even a story, when read. Just find a viewpoint or emotion that you want to express and write 3-12 sentences about it. Rambling and not using punctuation are good nowadays. Really, anyone can do it

I'll just get out in front of this and say, all my poetry is crappy. I might have one good one (that's the one that got published) but it's so dark and dismal and self-hating I have some trouble with it.
Anyways, everything I've written, at least 5000 pages, maybe 8000, is all crap (except maybe those two pages, I will post them before I go on vacation in a couple weeks). I expect everything that anybody here has written or will write, poetry-wise will be crappy. You can still be entertained by it, enriched by it, even if it's not that good.

Remember, this is how we get to know each other. By sharing our opinions. So speak. And maybe give it a little thought.

Well you gave it a different mean to the poem with those new lines...
Its not what I thought...

Don Ramon wrote:Well you gave it a different mean to the poem with those new lines...
Its not what I thought...

It 's different, hopefully better, but yeah, it is what is now and not what it was before.

I thought I'd share with you the few words that convinced me that I should try writing. When I read this I was just knocked out. It was a rainy day and we were stuck inside and I pulled down a book to read from the shelf out of sheer and utter boredom. I started reading it and started thinking "wow, we aren't getting anything like this in 7th grade". And then I hit the poem that just floored me.

Now that I've hyped it it will probably be a letdown and I'm sure most of you have read it anyways but I finish the story:



Once, long ago-if I remember rightly-my life was a sumptuous feast, where all hearts opened and all wines flowed.
One Night, I set Beauty on my lap. - And found her bitter. - And reviled her.
I rebelled against justice.
I fled. Oh witches, oh misery and hatred, you have been the guardians of my treasure.

Night turned day when you stepped out of the mist.
Your smile made the sun seem pale.
Your touch scattered all earthly chains.

Why must your beauty haunt me ?
Why can time nether heal nor let me forget ?
Who are the moody puppetmasters of my soul ?

I awoke to one split second of bliss,
but then the unyielding emptiness beside me
pierced my hart with a thousand swords.